Conquering costlemark tower(and what it taught me about programming and life)

In the game Final fantasy XV there’s a curious dungeon called costlemark tower. Firstly? It’s not a tower… lol. It’s a long 4 hour(*for me) descent into darkness. The horrible thing about dungeons? You can’t save your progress. It’s a cramped space and it’s eternally “nighttime”. In ffxv nighttime is where the toughest monsters come out to play. The first time I attempted to peek into this dungeon I was grossly underleveled and underprepared. I ran away once I accomplished the side quest that led me into such a curious corner. Recently I returned.

At level 60 I felt Noctis’ party was ready to venture in and acquire sweeeet sweeeeet loot and an armiger weapon. Enough context. What happened next is what this entire blog post is about.

This dungeon was challenging. The further I descended the more fun it got. The monsters weren’t easy to beat, the casual pace I enjoyed surface level doing hunts was gone. My defense and counters had to be on point, I had to use the right elemental weaknesses and I had to think strategically about each fight, missed one too many counters? Shit you just lost a valuable item. It was a gruelling grind… the most fun I’ve had in awhile.

Then… the unthinkable happened… puzzles.

Damn puzzles. Well… let’s just say I have a love-hate relationship with puzzles in games. The puzzle of this dungeon is extremely subtle and unlike any other previous dungeon. You don’t realize it’s a puzzle until it’s too late. lool. See at some point you end up in a large room with four elevator-type things. At first… there’s only one possible path. Going down it leads to a badass red giant fight…. red giants are tough as nails. Shit tonne of HP, no elemental weakness(*except light but it has resistance), no physical weakness, lots of magic, lots of buffs and a big ass red sword. Loots of weak flans up and about, pretty fun battle, had to expend some potions… took a second.. but hey okay.

Then the dungeon starts to fuck with you. The way forward is locked. You have to return to the large room. Now… there’s another elevator unlocked. If you choose the wrong path during this cramped elevator puzzle? You end up back in the large room…. only? This time? The enemies multiply. There are TWO RED GIANTS and waaaaayyyy more flan. At this point I was like what the total fuck… my heart began to race… all my exp and loot.. everything I did for the past hour is about to be lost… This led to an epic battle… flan after flan… popping elixir and hi-elixir potions like an addict. SOMEHOW I won.

Then the mind fuck.

You return to the room and are forced to make a choice.

Which elevator down?

Which path will you follow?

The puzzle is extremely subtle… the wrong choice… and it’s extremely easy to make, will take you to the beginning of the dungeon or into the ever multiplying dungeon room with multiplicative difficulty.

I made the wrong choice… lol

See.. you HAVE TO notice… something doesn’t add up, you have to do something different. You can’t just blindly go dungeon exploring expecting the level designer to hold your hand as you mindlessly reap benefits. Dungeons are designed to be the opposite of the regular gaming experience. The regular game experience is in an open world, lots of room, lots of chances to escape, lots of power ups, lots deus ex machina devices to tell the STORY… dungeons however are about game mechanics. Strategy, tactics and puzzles. The best part? Consequences.

The wonderful thing about games? Why I’ve loved games since I was a child?

You can get better at it… if you want to.

The consequences of sucking at a game? Is usually dying. You suck failure. Bad… then you recieve a prompt?

“Do you want to try again?”

Or something along those lines, like loading up your last save or what not. The consequences are dire… the stakes are high in a dungeon… but if you die? You just have to try again. Poof. Magic.

I didn’t want to die. I REFUSED TO DIE.

I battled… for the third time…. FOUR RED GIANTS… many… many… many flan.

At the end… omg.. lol. Fulfillment.

Yet… this is a typical gaming experience no? Battling tough monsters in tough dungeons and winning is what rpgs are all about… but… I didn’t figure the puzzle out yet. Costlemark tower isn’t about fighting impossibly tough uphill battles.

So I went back up…. again… for the FOURTH time and descended down the wrong path.. again.

It was…. a sight to behold….. lol

EIGHT RED GIANTS, FOUR SNAKE MONSTERS(*forgotten the name but it’s extremely tough… tougher than a red giant), uncountable number of lessers but tough enemies.

It was impossible for my party to win such a battle. I spammed so many phoenix downs… Honestly idk… Every party member died except Noctis. I found a tiny hole that the giant monsters couldn’t enter and I fought.. and fought and fought and fought… The rational thing would be to switch this stupid fucking game off… but idk I wanted to fight this impossible battle…. and I dare say it? Win it?

Afterall? I had come too far.

So I waited… fight after fight and for the first time since I started playing ffxv 60+ hours ago? I summoned a god, a trophy popped and most of the monsters dead. All I had to do was clean up a few. Ecstasy. This is what games are about, but if this was where the story ends would this be a memorable enough story? Would my mind draw a parrallel between this programming and life? Of course not.

With a clean hall… I returned to the hall…

And… I descended the wrong elevator… again.

Need I say it?

There were so many enemies the screen couldn’t keep up. The red giants because there were so many opened up a portal that sucked me and the entire party into permanent helpless state. Stuck in a vortex of hp depleting attacks, getting turned into stone, a toad and a variety of attacks. I was literally helpless.

I couldn’t summon a god. Those are extremely rare events and once they occur, take a long time to occur again. I literally couldn’t move and there were so many enemies the entire map was filled. There was a zero chance of winning. I was pissed God dammit.

Hours… wasted. All the exp, all the loot, all that happened… gone. Only to be hit with a death screen and to be asked, do you want to try again?

Fuck it hurt.

If the story ended like this, would it be worth a blog post?

Any rational person would’ve quit, then again? Any rational person wouldn’t have gotten this far anyway.

So.. what did I do?

I thought… what’s still left in my inventory? How can I attack these monsters? How do I get out of this vortex created by twenty something red giants. Can I find a hole? Possibly separate the enemy into sections of hordes? There was no point saving any item or potion. I was free. To try any and every single possible methodical attack, item or pattern. What was the consequence of losing? Nothing. I’d simply return to the beginning of the dungeon. I’d just try again. What was the result of winning? Everything. Backed against a literal fucking corner. I tried, and tired and tried and tried. mega phoenix down after mega phoenix down. Hi-elixir after hi-elixir. Then?

A true fucking miracle.

A bug.

A glitch.

A fucking glitch. Somehow? As a transformed toad and a sequence of random events led me into a very very very very tiny hole. It led me into the dungeon entrance I was looking for all this while and there the weak final boss in comparison, and a panel that would beam me to the beginning of the dungeon. I didn’t care for another fight. I wasn’t going to risk it, I walked outside and hit that sweet sweet save button. 60, 000 exp.

60, 000 exp ….. loool

Is this a story about trying hard against all odds?

No. life isn’t like that, although we like to pretend it is.

Is this a story about miracles?

No. I’m not a big believer in fate. I believe we make our own.

But… think about it. What are the odds? A true fucking black swan.

Then I thought? Why did I do this dungeon? . Why do I obsessively try to complete every single game I play to 100%? The loot wasn’t all that great. Exp is cool, but so what? Then I thought… this is fun.

I like this. The mental stimulation, the vigour, the visual aesthetic the emotional roller coaster of not knowing what to expect. What secrets does the level designer have in store?

I thought… this is a lot like programming and life.

I enjoyed the activity in and of itself but to participate? I needed some goal, a reward, external to experience. In all honesty? An excuse for doing that thing. I play games not acquire the reward of completing them but for the journey and experience of completing them. The trinkets themselves are useless and hold no value other than what they represent about the activity.

This is why I write code. This is why I program and in a less dimensional way? It’s my apriori reason to live. My raison d’ etre.

I write code so I can make money. Lots and lots of money. This is the trinket. It represents the impact or value I create through software. Yet… even that isn’t what enjoy. Programming the singular activity isn’t what I enjoy either. It’s the process.

I am Sisyphus.

Existence is my hill, upon which I push the vanities of my ego.